Komunikasi yang bersepah dan amat tragis

benggong benggong jerit sorang sorang
sampai anak tekak berdarah, tapi itu la realiti kehidupan saorang manusia
kalau tak angin manakan pokok bergoyang kan?
jerit dan memekak siang malam pagi suboh tak langsung rasa haus
hmm rasa rasanya ini bukan lagi manusia tapi... entahlah
nak cakap takut laen lak jadi, susah laks tapi camne skali pun kene gak la tahan 
suare suare tuh suare yang kenkadang membuatkan aku cuak...
haih arini gua tulis blog gune base pasar mixed2 lagik, gler ar lame xbuwat

ala suare tuh ada lagi la, suare tuh makin kuat lak cesh...
kalu camni kene la gua shut down pc pastu sweet dream ar jawab nyer,
ingat nak layan movie jap citer ocean 11 & 12 tapi tengok ar camner; kalu situasi
da okay layan ar
adakah aku nih saorang outsider kat luar umah mahupun bila kengkawan 
aku tengok aku? 
tah ler outsider pun outsider la janji aku bleh wat ape yang aku nak kan...
tak gunenyer kalu life nih asyik dok tengok orang jer diri sendiri pon tak tertengok,
so reramai la kite tengok diri sendiri camner, kalu ok tuh oret la but if not,
you probably one of that voices that i heard...

p/s: diary of the serial me... of all our love & hate, gambatte kudasai everybody!!!

Destiny

speak up, stand up
drink up, eat up
everything that i do is only to fulfill my destiny
the destiny that never be the last journey
owh yes i did it, and i done it again
blind and never see it
deaf never ever couldnt hear
im paralyzed to continue my journey to there
no one hear it and no one see it
just me just myself to dream the dream that i wanted
its hell here... need some reflection from a mirror to see me there;
or else im still holding the letter of L
to be understand and wanted to be understanding is quite complicated after all
i do what i do
i speak up, i stand up, i drink up and i eat up... my destiny

Sun to be change

im watching the sun change its color
whether it is an ordinary color... but for me it still change
change to be watch, change to be mad and change to be different
whether i know it is a normal sun... but for me its so different
the sun change spinning toward the unpredictable elements
all living things on this earth and the whole galaxy love you, praise you, admired at you, and you so adorable to me... whether you know or not, this words keep telling and running through the center of the skies

watching you to be different is probably a lost of past for me and probably to others too
whether i know you like to be it... and you still change from time to time to evolve
2pm its too hot to stand outside but i will stand to watch you... whether you dont see me
6pm its ok and not too hot but i love to see you fall down and so it goes
dont let my sun change cause i cant live without it and so to other living things
please sun remember me when im not seeing you anymore because of your eager for changes... or whether if you dont want it just let the past be the guardian for others life

sad to let you change happy to watch the old you... and of course the voice of little me wont hear you but i hope you can whether i know that you can and always...

さようなら恋人, 私は逃す, 私は愛する...

In Love & Death

Crazy loner insomia

Im now feel so unstable with all the things im doing, yes i know im kinda straight person that doesnt seems to have any sense of voice to have say or to act normal when im been through it... the rhythm of myself is less to hold what i suppose to hold. i lost in the middle of darkness forest that drag me to dead! everybody seems to have a light to lead their way, but now im again with myself struggling alone and fighting with myself to dead until im not alone anymore. yeah, sure the world made me feel that im like not exist or visible to talk or act... people also dont look at me anymore cause im so useless and so outdated far from your future. only when i look through the sky i can see the cloud, the moon, the sun and the stars smiling at me and waving me a goodluck for the rest of my life. for what im here! only flying there when im fall asleep? yeah, i quite mumbling right now and those words keep me writing and writing to reveal the pain inside that no one shouldnt know about it...

And for all that i trust and for all that i believe now comes to the end whether it is already end. owh fuck, crazy to be me and when im feel uncomfortable i'll make some stupid thing that is really fucking hate to do! confius and depress for nothing and theres no healer that i could found it. sha la la la la... that is the sound of happy and freedom person that i know i cant get to it... the longer i stand the more stupid i am to be tired of it... so pretend to be the thing that im not suppose to be! is it? probably it is a way to open up the new me and the new hypocrite was been develop to cover all the tears and all sickness in my heart. shit! stop writing now or i'll punch you through the wall please! im begging you, my hand couldnt stop the feel "he" want to say but my heart cant stand to words the "his" trying to type... stop! stop it! enough torturing me with the grey and cold dull memories! i think i gonna punch it through wall right now!

Fantasy

All my life I had built up a fantasy
of the perfect girl.
Countless romance stories and fables
helped make that fantasy a reality in my mind.
Searching for that fantasy lead to many
disappointments.
Reality made it clear that there was no such girl.
And as the years went by, the fantasy started
to fade away - until I met you.
I had almost given up on the fantasy until
my fantasy became reality,
that reality became you.

If We Kissed

Across The Universe

Inside out

Hungry and so tired today a lot of things pop up out of my head, a lot of it... 'bout me, 'bout them and 'bout you. But im glad the web site project is settled and case is closed i hope la... but for me it is okay now. And now comes the new project to be done huarrgghhh... but im happy no more web fussing arround in my head, as i woke up every morning i didnt realize that i almost intern there for 2 month already yesss... can wait to go back to school... and grab back my life, such as overslept and skip class, hangging with my mate at 'terminal' hahaha some old memories. i miss all that stuff! And the most important thing in my life i will free from any kind of idea that holds me and turn me to be such an idiot person. Happy to be myself alone and all the misery to be kept inside here alone.

p/s: tomorrow 16/8/06 tahlil arwah at mmu surau after finish maghrib prayer...

Cold

Im just sitting in my car and
Waiting for my girl to drift away my life
But then she wasnt show up?!
Why? probably im so idiot to understand
The thing that i suppose not to undesstand
Yes, i know im just running away because
I know im a jerk to you
I know you so special for me
But im not so special at all
Im nothing and always condemn myself to look you
For almost 2 years or maybe 3 years i couldnt see what i want to see
Oh shit! i forgot, i always dreaming about you and you only
Appear in my dream... why not in reality too?!
This is cold enough for me to live my life

My left eye got bruise!

Behind your sealed eyes you miss
All that I've done for you
Will you catch me when I run?

And when the answer that you want
Is in the question that you state
Come what may... come what may

My Blue Heaven

Still the one i am who pretend to be normal people
But still i am a trash and so i am a place to be hurting
Do i deserve this for all this years ive been through
I couldnt place myself on top of everything so im still below everything
People doesnt trust my honesty and also my pride
People just take it and leave it for their own good
Im homeless and no damn room for me to share
What did I do to deserve?

Looking at me everytimes i wokeup in my sleep
I feel like someone is blaming me for everything that i did
Sure im not innocence sure im the cause of everything
cause everything is evil when people look at me
A first hope become a last hope cause i know i will shot it till im gone
Bye bye to myself that always never be apart with it
Goodbye to emotional that hurting me everytimes i recall it
It bleed inside and never get better whenever in comes
Loser and a jerk will always be on my side to touch me
And drag me into it... And i know you know whether it is blind for you
But for me it is a clear view, this is my blue heaven that i dreamt

Yes, this is a blue heaven

Remember you

I'll remember you
And the things that we used to do
And the things that we used to say
I'll remember you
Always

I still miss you
God I still miss you
I know that you are waiting there
I always thought that you'd come home

If it dont hurt you it wont hurt me
If it dont hurt me it wont hurt you
If it dont hurt you it wont hurt me that way
I'll remember you
Always

Night fever

Argghh... at last im feel better again, better than you know and better than myself know. i hope it will last long nahh it cant be... i feel boring ar, nak kate xtgk tv da tgk nak kate tak main ngan kucen da main da so what the boring thing that always keep pop up in my head? erhhmm entahler, so tomorrow like the same days, go for working and i hope that tomorrow new project will be given laa if not jadi statue laa tgk website jer, haih! and i cant wait for my new "4 tyres" not new laa but 2nd hand kehkehkeh, my green is finish and i also gonna eat sand la... but i will keep my eyes and also extra care for my new "4 tyres" not new la 2nd hand hekhekhek!!

So, my old "4 tyres"one, i still searching for the buyers to take her home cause i dont have green to support her everytimes she have a problems... im very thankful for her help in the past that always help me and my comrades to go somewhere, without her i cant move anywhere! its been almost 2 months being intern at "gitv" i think... so i like the place but somehow the place doesnt makes my idea grow bigger and bigger cause we're an undergrounders...huhuhu... anyway i hope i can work there if my study finish cause now its hard to find a job in this creative matters... man it hard and hard!! and ofcourse if i got better place im sure i will bond myself there! well thats all in the future but now is now, its still coming and coming and let the painter paint the picture... sambel menulis blog nih my ears listening to "Non Stop Hit Initial D" man... da lame xdengar lagu2 dance techno nih then plus the aura to race... racing to writing all in my head... so to all people out there take care of yourself and you all should know that outside is dangerous hekhekhek ok sayonara people *yawn*

Stop

please stop the war, i cant stand to hear more women and child been murdered,
please stop the war, in the name of humanity,
please stop it let us build the world of peace without any red blood messing all around the ground...
please god, i cried when i heard the people killed in the war... give us a hope to make this world live in hormony and peaceful, please god...

A state of confusion

Running outside with empty sympathy
Walking inside with dirty reality
Crawl slowly towards the door
Then i saw a black hole on the door
Im sure with what my eyes speak
And im sure it is, im aint a geek

Now, and forever i would not open it
Past, and even i re-born, i wouldnt take it
To see what is kept inside and outside
I will be a person from the downside
Down under and never climbing up back
But if i climb, i probably slip then i just sit back and relax

I know im still not been wake from the noise
Sometimes the sound of it are noise but still im in my maze
I run, i walk, i crawl and i climb with no purpose
I suppose i couldnt understand the universe purpose

Why should i care about universe? cause the universe is my path
The path that exist before im born, im blurred with this path
Thats why i couldnt run faster than you, walking grace like you
crawling smooth like you and have a nice step climbing like you
This is my mayhem in the middle of my heart and my brain
Mayhem is everywhere arround me...

not yet finish... must be strong & a lot of energy needed!

finished, settle 

Rocket attacks on civilians

Lobbing rockets blindly into civilian areas is without doubt a war crime, Nothing can justify this assault on the most fundamental standards for sparing civilians the hazards of war. They hit the hospital, at Nahariya Hospital, rockets had been landing near the hospital since July 12. There are no military bases around here, nothing military at all..why? why should they hit it, sick and dying people there... they doesnt have a people minds but they got a minds of a monster that want to destroy all of it.

Rockets have hit homes in many northern towns, Malka Karasanti, 70, was injured when a rocket destroyed the top two floors of her three-story apartment building in Haifa on July 17, and she said,

"I was taking a nap in my apartment on the second floor when, around 2:30 p.m., I heard a siren go off. I went to the bathroom, which I use as my safe room since there is no shelter in the building. There was a loud boom, and then everything began to collapse around me. … I was injured in my right shoulder bone, I broke a left rib, and I have a tear in my eardrum so I don’t hear well now".

They hit hospitals, homes, businesses, shelters and of course peoples. There is nothing but power and egoism. Just let the innocent people go and dont attack them. And I hope that world can be peace once again cause if we living in the world of death shower we all can not taste the ultimate peace that we already got it, now. Why must we kill our own child cause we all the same we are people! So, I pray to god and we all must no matter what you are, may world can taste the sweet of peaceful world while we can...

Dream

dream to be them
it might bring disaster to me
dream to be a sky
i probably fun in day time but dull in night time
dream to be a bird
it still the same what i am right now
dream to be water
its kind a cool, peace and sometimes rage emotion

dream to be is what people do
until a bit of it got to be tasted...or probably not
dream is fun and dream is torturing
when it comes to people that you admired
dream...dream just gives a hope not a solid prize to get
dream sometimes opened my eyes about you
what the dream do is only a hope for a fantasy
that we like it to be into reality or not!
crying in the dream probably trap forever and shouldnt
able to wake up anymore... and it goes by dream

War within a breath

Every official that comes in
Cripples us leaves us maimed
Silent and tamed
And with our flesh and bones
He builds his homes
Southern fist
Rise through tha jungle mist
Clenched to smash power so cancerous
A black flag and a red star
A rising sun loomin' over Los Angeles
Cause for Raza livin in La La
Is like Gaza on to tha dawn of Intifada
Reach for tha lessons tha masked pass on
And seize the metropolis
It's you that it's built on

Everything can change on a new years day

War within a breath
It's land or death
It's land!

Their existence is a crime
Their seat their robe their tie
Their land deeds
Their hired guns
They're tha crime
Shots heard underground round the rapture
The world's eye captured
At last in a Mexican pasture
The masked screaming land or death
Within a breath
A war from tha depth of time
Who shot four puppet governors in a line
Who shook all the world bankers
Who think they can rhyme
Shot the landlords who knew it was mine
Yes, it's a war from the depth of time

Everything can change on a new years day

It's war within a breath
It's land or death

p/s: wake up and fight against our enemy that kills our brother, sister and our family... we are freedom fighter! *a words by Zack de la Rocha

(Before go to work *morning*)
Shit again my cars central lock make the most shitiest problem ever...I cant open my door, this is not the 1st time it happen... i dont have time to repair it whether on the weekend shit. I wanna go early to the office to make my damn works done... why, why do you make me like this huh?! @#$%*&^ car door and lock, now im waiting for my brother to use his car... wait n see until im own my 86 with good condition.

(After working & get home*nite*)
Okay its fine i come to the office at 10 something a.m. now when i get home i heard an interesting news, again with or connected with my car! Again? no..no..no.. my father said that my car at the workshop because of the malfunction pistons that caused by *xde minyak hitam* its empty already... shit...shit one problem to other newest problem... the car door my father said it have been repaired and cause me about RM 80 OMG!! shit again! okay. now the biggest event ever that i got to sacrifice my damn green to my car maybe arround RM 300 something? or maybe 500 ermm i think more than that kot! SHIT!!! no money la for me to save for this month haiyaaa! last month i have repaired the drive shaft so now this month 2 things... door and the pistons OMG how i wanna get those green... my father said "nevermind la use my money" but i dont want to susahkan dier cause i know how hard to find money... yeap that car really pissed me off in the beginning... seb baek ko keter... and da byk berjase kat aku. i know you old already but sometimes i cannot handle myself with a lots of problem coming through my head... i got many problems then you added more haih!! things happen and things goes thats what i mean about the life recycle.

(Tomorrow)
I dont know how to get my @#! there (menara KL) my brother use his car, my mum also perhaps i will my old school friend which is Rusa my fathers van. but i hope my car will be okay by this morning maybe arround 10 am or 12pm. and for sure i will come late to office tommorow or maybe not. depend! past and future always got the bad and good stuff for us to learn and appreciate on it.

p/s: my eyes got red very red cause im looking to the computer screen for too long and its ithcy haih what can i do everyday pc.. working using pc and look at it up until 10 or 8 hours a days! hope it will get well soon..