Stuck, and finally been written

thank you.. for giving this in my life
thank you.. for let me in and feel this emotion
thank you.. for those who learn to love me
thank you.. for being a helper when im needed
thank you.. for being an ears to me when im sad
thank you.. for the laughter that makes me happy all days
thank you.. for caring and understand me
thank you.. it is just a word that really means a lot to me

this is one of the words that stuck in my head in 07
and im glad you keep knowing me and im appreciate that...

arigatou gozaimasu, aishiteru!

07 - 08

2007 to be let and keep as memories
2008 are welcome to write a new chapter of my life
2007 something that i remember of that story
sadness and happiness build around that time
without that time i never be like this
without that time i probably live like normal me
the painful feeling also has recover at the end of that time
and it shall continue to normalize it for the next future time

i love 2007
i miss 2007
may 2008 bring us a happiness
and prosperity...

2007 at the beginning are damned hurt enough
2008 never make it happen what i been through
2007 will stand in our memory for us to smile and to appreciate
2008 are welcome whether we want to stop it
but, why should i? haha

2008 is a challenge for me...

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL PEOPLE

p/s: kamu! malam kang yaa! ermm ape azam kamu ek? mine, xtau lagik sat g nak pikiaq sat..huhu happy new year to you!!

stop the dot

.................
the dot that has to be stop
.................
the dot that makes people wandering
.................
the dot that makes a person waiting
.................
the dot is the dot stop whenever you saw a dot.
.................

Counting the days

So here I go and there you went...again
Just another stupid thing that I done wrong.
Locked up in my head, knocked down, beaten, left for dead
With all those brilliant things I should have said.
I gotta get away, and find something to do
'Cause everything I hear, everything I see, reminds me of you.

Still counting the days I've been without you 1, 2, 3, 4...
Still counting the days that you've been gone.

Day one, was no fun.
Day two, i hated you.
By day three I wish you'd come right back to me.
Day four, five and six, well I guess you just don't give a shit.
Day seven, this is hell. this is hell.
I gotta get away, and find something to do.
But everything I hear, everything I see, reminds me of you.

Still counting the days I've been without you 1, 2, 3, 4...
Still counting the days that you've been gone.
Still counting the days since you left me. 1,2,3,4...
Still counting the days since you've been gone.

A thousand things I wanna say to you, but it's too late now.
A thousand things I wanna say...
A thousand things I wanna say to you, but it's too late now.
A thousand things I wanna say...

Still counting the days I've been without you.
Still counting the days that you've been gone.
Still counting the days I've been without you 1, 2, 3, 4...
Still counting the days that you've been gone.
Still counting the days since you left me 1, 2, 3, 4...
Still counting the days that you've been gone.
Gone...
Gone...
Gone...
Gone...

p/s: when u post the cure's song titled friday im in love, suddenly it remind me about the song that relate to "days" but it is "counting the days" by Goldfinger. my favorite punk band and this band also is one of my biggest influence, and hope u like the song and the lyric that full of emotion. I love it..

Life goes on...

Dah hampir 3weeks aku keje kat cni.. mcm2 aku dengar, baik bende buruk or baik. yela mane ade company yg nk always ok je.. but, they should give a good impression to me because im a new staff here! today, probably the last day of "the criteria" newspaper team, they all resigning. all those 3 people sadly describe talk about their experience in their past in working here. so, aku pun layan je.. sebelah derang aku dengaq sbelah sane pon aku dengaq, its not fair to listen to one side only.. mcm U.N plak aku ni, padahal just nk mendgr cite memasing... huih! yesterday my bos said that she will need me to join the newspaper group immediately, ok for me its fine.. as long as my salary increase, and i all the equipment that needed is available thats all... as others can work as a team itu dari sight of social and environment working... bukan cam skarang, aku duk ofis aku layan lepak sorg2 cakap ngan pc je... mati kutu besar you tuh huu~

at the same time i try to seek other job, kalu ade rezeki terpakse la pindah port keje and start a new life once again... best gak time2 skarang layan lagu rock kekapak, terase mcm jd org batu jap. so, today cam biase as they told me yesterday "firdaus esok angkat table kat bwh ni 2 biji naik atas ok!" "awak arrange laa ngan staff2 lain ye tuk angkat table besar tuh" what? nak kene angkat table? my work ni da jadik cam agensi pindah2 n angkat brg lak..kalu bukak satu business ni kompem leh kayeee!!! haih life goes on!! sabar ek pn SABA..

Writing turn me to express the insanity

Wake up in middle of the darkness inside me alone,
Brings me a lot of question to be answer by myself,
What is it? i don't understand what im trying to ask and to answer,
I caused by the darkest view that i cant see it well or shall i say im blind,
What can i do to solve this little mystery inside of me?
Should i run?
Should i walk?
Should i sleep?
Or should i sing?

Here? singing? nahh!! if people hear of me, they probably lose their ears,
Back to the agenda, what is it? what the hell is my question to myself,
And of course it must be an proper answer,
Hah! this is a conflict between me and myself,
I don't know what actually the other me said,
But the normal me feel something wrong there,
It wont speak up,
Or even give a sign a bit,

The conclusion of my case i think,
I should give sometimes to myself to drink 'nescafe'
Maybe it is an impact cause of it, i dont know what to hear and say,
Just like to question and to answer...

Im just like an "ikan pekasam" that live in my very territory alone,
And im just connected to "filetfish12" through this, phone (*wahh ikan pon pandei gune tepon huhu~)and in the inside...





p/s: let's go for some fishing in the darkest pond inside...

Undercover to be busy

Today as usual nothing much to be busy. but im try to be it... with all the dozen of files to be arrange properly until i got flu *haccchooo!!. yesterday dinner with you kinda fun moment because of the "sakat-menyakat" happen between u and me. its ok for me, and i know your intention is to make me feel hahaha tension... huu~ u like to see me in that kind of situation but hey..its cool and sometimes i miss the way u "sakat-sakat" it just keep repeating inside out my head. without u there's no more "se-sakat" *short form kan die...

Its fun when u do that, feels like im out of word to counter u back, but maybe on that time my super power of counter didn't come yet, huhu.. and one more thing, im so glad that the things that i thought u will get mad at me is actually ok for u.. but anyway sumimasen kamu, and i hope that it wont make an effect between us.. oh man! sometimes i just like a stupid person that always over think about it, and i dont get it. but that is the reality of me. and i hope u understand that, and guide me to our path... whether, i know u dont like myself to apologize to u every times..but today i should say that word again because i feel guilty, SUMIMASEN...

Anyway, its fun with u with all those "kantoi tatabahasa" makes me happy around u... and i know u know this word... aishiteru :)

p/s: just got a phone call from my boss... she ask me to find the file in the boxes, padahal da dapat da td... die kate xcomplete...ARARRGGGGGHHHH!!!

Here & There

here and there,
its all about problem,
here and there,
the truth and the fake we can see,
here and there,
back stabbing people with an ugly voice,

and sure its only 3 weeks here...
a lot of news,
a lot of propaganda,
beneath the word the holy word of 'islamic',

cant predict to make assumption,
but they can,
they will,
but im not,
but it sure enough to tells me...
about here and there,

only time can change this situation..
and i hope it will be better enough for me..
for them i hope they should open the third eye,
which is inside there to judging people...
here and there is quite the same but different effect.

2 p.m in and im about to off

i just don't know how to write today, but im still want to write it. it is kind of mixed emotion again that really want to accompany me everytime whenever i feel alone... anger with the working place, love and miss to your girlfriend, sick of cold and so much things that i cant describe it... only time and my life flow will determine what shall i do to make it better, beauty, lovable, precious, and ....

what can i do to make things better? am i wrong? maybe cause im too stupid to understand myself...

p/s: :-)i dedicate this song to you and i know you love this song especially when they play 'live'... YOU HAVE STOLEN MY HEART...

I miss her smile, laugh, eye, cheek and the most important thing is her heart..

im gonna miss you a lot,
i dont know why,
whether it is just for a moment,
but for me my heart is away from you,
i dont want to feel like that,
i just wanna close to you,

your voice might be a remedy,
to cure,
to heal,
to treat,
is all there in your voice,
the voice of you is the best remedy for me not others,

im gonna miss you a lot,
it just because i love you so much,
so that my finger writing this words,
to remind me and you about my feeling,
feeling..of missing you...

aishiteru!

p/s: kamu! jgn lupe yer pict kamu tabik2 lak kehkehkeh.. take care and i miss you girl!! :-)

Talk show hope its not gonna mute

today i got to setup a proper place for this coming talk show event by sheikh imran hosein not meet uncle hussein ok..haha.. in my very office. i got to tarik wayer panjang2, got to cari meja nk letak amp n mixer haha bab2 menyetup ni mmg best, tp kan can make my head goes dizzy all day long if tak jadi! but i try my best to setup my place to become... "the talk show place". the topic kind a cool to about "dajjal, gog & magog" this speaker is very popular in new york and he is cool i think..

till now yaa.. today mlm kene drive balik KEDAH huhuhu~

Mute 2nd week

2nd week of working
its boring
and it is a life of working actually
im gonna get use of it perhaps
hmmmpphhh (ala-ala 'Andy Lau' dlm 'Warlord')!!

You and the my old words

i like to see your eyes
it just so clear calm like a clear water on a blue beach
that makes me calm when im with you

i like to see your smile
the smile that keeps me smile all the day im with you
and the smile that always remind me to you

i like to see when you are walking
the grace of your step carefully i watch till im feel ok
you walk to the path with me together we are one

i like to understand deep in your heart
which i know you are such a kindness, loving, caring person
i wish i could spend my time inside your heart

i never felt like this before
i never come to this moment before
all i just saying is just keep repeating the same old words
that im really meant it!!

I love you always
I love you with all my heart
I LOVE YOU... :)

p/s: finally, for a long time da xsqueeze midori nye pipi akhirnyer seiji~kun dapat gak smlm 2 time ok! haha seiji~kun nyer kulit amfibia that why la peluh2 huhuhu..

Nitrus - Kamu

Umpama bidadari
Yang turun dari kayangan
Indah nian tak berbandingan
Terasa bagai disentuh bayangan mu

Sesungguhnya kamu terang bagaikan cahaya
Yang menyinari hidupku dikala ku kelam.. kelam
Terciptalah aku tuk kali pertama
Dan akan ku buktikan kesungguhan dari hati ini
Hati ini…

Umpama bidadari
Kau selalu menyenangkan aku
Biar kadang ku terkeliru
Izinkan aku menyentuh bayanganmu

Terciptanya aku untuk kau

p/s: this song remind me about you! everytime i play it, it seems that you and me are listening and sing it together.. all that i want to say is, this song is "special" for me and you! NITRUS ROCK!!

The lonely ant life

today im just sitting in my office without any stuff to do, while listening to "lagu untukmu" by Meet Uncle Hussain" and viewing people down there, i think about myself and whats gonna happen to me next... is it good or is it bad? i just can think about it..but i cant change what it suppose to be happen.. it scared me, and sometimes i just don't want to think about it. its all about myself, my working life, my relationship life and so on. but mostly i just think about my carrier my job, huh... (at least i have a job and why should i complaining to myself?)hah, probably my life doesn't bond here and i need to be socialize but not like this...talking to myself everyday.. it can turn me to be an insane person laughing all alone, smoking all alone, and of course living here in the office all alone! i don't how much longer can i stand of this scenario.. i will wait and see how will it go, and i will follow the flow of my instinct to what should i do next...

looking at the small creature called ant walking solo without any of his tribe in front of my table makes me wonder how pity to be live alone and trying to survive a life without communicating to others. just you imagine, what should you do if you a lost and lonely ant without any socialize life. haha! for me im sure that i can live, but im dead from the inside and slowly it eats the outside part! so, scary woo! i know i should do something before it turns to be like...i don't know how to say! but im glad im still not alone 100% cause i got you.. you know YOU! i feel so alive when we communicate.. and im so thankful to you ARIGATOU! if not.. i die like ant up here huhu~ better i go for smoke for a while then i continue...

After smoking

hah! its surprising me already while i smoke in the toilet the i meet Mr. Halim and we were chat. he is kind of iraninan and an chief editor of "the criteria" newspaper that founded by SABA and all the financial matter covered by ABIM. but the thing is would you believe to make a newspaper that release once a month the workers that done it is only 3 person including Mr. Halim! OMG! who's going to be photographer? designer? journalist? and other post that need to be have, but the reality is this 3 hardworking people that doing their job well. he said to me, that actually SABA have a lack of weakness. OK! i been taken by Mr Halim to tour their office then i see, only 1 desktop that actually got to be for designing purpose and another one is laptop for correction of grammar mistake... i couldn't imagine how this guys do their job. Mr Halim said he tried already asked Puan Saba for increasing the number of computers and also the staffs but she haven't yet solve the problem. all that i know is, Puan Saba wants me to be up here to "guard" this office..but she actually should put me in publishing department because theres short of staff. what can i do! but Mr Halim want me to join the team, its kind a cool if i work there! haha what can i say, i just wait for the right moment to discuss this for! actually he kind of sad to look me staying alone in the other side of office.. nobody to talk, nobody to make a laugh and what so ever... then the final word from him is, try la talk to Puan Saba about you want to join this team, then i say, ok..i'll talk to her when the time has come!
after that, here i am again writing without any conclusion.. just write and write..

p/s: kamu! i forget la what is your blog address... nnt kamu kasi tau ya! hope you write when you have something to express... :-)

The cycle of emotion collide


just like im blind
my ears are deaf probably
my arms and legs could be paralyzed

try to make myself moving
but suddenly it just couldn't happen
but if it happen i might stumble onto the ground

the things that really function is
my heart and my brain
but i just couldn't live my life like this

well it seems like im eager to rebel with my own
my own of goodness and badness
im blurred right now

maybe time will solve it out
and i flow with the motion of solution
but i have my second heart to listen to

without it i probably lost everything
everything that i love
everything that i miss

yes, its myself again that reflect this situation
why should i rebel to myself?
it might be not a rebel, it this a part of my life

the way my emotion express maybe like this
going around and around through my head
and then it kept, deep inside

what..am i writing about this?
arghh! maybe today not my day
and i shall give it to other people

blurred, confused..with it
i should try first
and it just started

i hope it will be better
or else im a loser...

Colder than a giant ice cube

look through out my window,
i can see a car wash down there,
the worker busy washing, vacuuming, and polish the customer's car,
ermm what a day for me up here looking down there people doing something,
even though it just stop raining but people a coming there to wash a car,
ermm its kind of weird activity or shall i say a weird community here
likes to wash a car during rainy season,
it find for me if the rain a fully stop then the sun waving down u,
its fine..its fine..thats mean go wash your car,
but if the sun still sleeping with its smooth and soft black cloud,
it mean sun will sleep laaa.. and will not come out!
so what do they trying to do after 10 minute finished washing then suddenly
the rain comes heavily and makes me wonder about all the customer
that went to that car wash place...

weird but its true,
live and clear up here,
see the drama of silence people,
and move your brain to think about,
and the thing that u think will make it sense...

i walkout through my office
to sense some heat that sun left
and the weird thing is,
its kind of scary part i think,
i feel myself been followed,
maybe 'the thing' wanted to join me,
u know where..toilet of course..
i just let it be,
as long as it doesn't show off..
that is scary + weird,
maybe now 'the thing' are sit beside me,
i don't know...
but at least it give me a sweat laa..
because of kecuakkan yg telah terjadik..

A road to MIRACLE explanation

its like when the trees need the sun to live
its like when u were chasing by a rottweiler of course u will run as fast as the flash
but somehow... if the trees doesn't need the sun and u don't run when rottweiler chase u
what will it be?
a logical thinking might thought about dead, yeah.. suppose to be dead or struggle to inhale the last breath of u..
but in other thought, the trees and the person could be alive and survive

ITS A MIRACLE...

all i want to express is, believe of what u believe and hope for the best to come

MIRACLE is a dream for all that like to be a dreamer
just like me...
bored in this office then the MIRACLE happen..
a work is been given (angkat barang ke store) wallawehh!! THANK GOD!

2nd Day of travel and 1st for us

its like when u travel to balik kampong in a long distance u can see sawah padi, pokok getah ker, rumput yang menhijau ker, ermm kalu xpon maybe a "JENK" of cows and a "JENK" of buffalo lepak2 together. but when it come to this situation, my travel to come and work here is really weird sket kot? i think? 1st u akan jmp bukit2 yang indah tersergam and also the hutan kelapa sawit yang might be relax a bit ur otak for a while...then...u will move on to the saket jiwa dan raga nyer driving a "JENK" of myvi and a "JENK" of savvy tgh dok dog fight on the the road ermm... then the feels of tension and mcm2 lagi arise with the jammed traffic with a stupid scenario, i mean ok laa.. Malaysia orgnya sgt prihatin wlaupon xciden kat sbelah jln..yang sbelah lagi asyik dok slow n usha2 smp kekdg tu xciden..dah dua lane pon xciden n sume nak tengok... mcm nak tengok semut n kerengga melintas jalan.. sgt prihatin rakyat malaysia CAYALAHH...I LUV MALAYSIA :D

then when it comes to knowing, both of us mcm da lame sgt terkenal mcm popular la plak ayat "terkenal" tuh.. but its true! mmg mcm lama n i dont feel like we just meet... but its just 1st for us but in other way its kind of da serasi n da sebati dgn masing2 mcm hahaha xtau nk ckp camner.. it just like im glad for us..KEEPON ROCKIN BABY!!

p/s: haa da start merapu ikan kerapu da..da dpt tulih mcm2 bende nk tulih hahaha Kamu! forget the "angkasawan' shoes ok? love that shoes...and finally we got what we want rite? ;D

Again Left Leg

one leg stand
one leg walking
one leg balance it
one leg kicking the mattress
one leg is so helpful in this situation
one leg is for gas
one leg is for brake and clutch

its kinda horrific moment

one more leg sitting back
one more leg just ignore other leg
one more leg is swell like a big hot ballon
one more leg is been punished by me using "minyak panas hijau"

so hot and can merembeskan all the angin inside there

now its kinda ok and the swell kinda turn to normal size back
now i can drive back but a bit pain la ;)
thats why i can write today hahaha!!

p/s: arigatou for massage my leg yaa! you can be 'mak urut' tuh but cuak gak nak urut ngan you.. till now... this is public announcement: dont play futsal dgn sgt bersungguh2 kalu tak seliuh lagi teruk if retak or patah or lagi horror tercabut!! wuuu!! i da cuak da...